My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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