put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My brain says no but my pants say off.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize
