Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
