I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
