wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
where are my eyebrows?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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