Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
