I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
