In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
