Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
