She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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