Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So here I am, sexting at work.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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