She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
