Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
