No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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