There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
