I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
