My friends, they love my intelligence
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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