i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
