It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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