Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
