I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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