i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
