He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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