look no pants
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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