is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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