Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
