Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
