i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
