we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
