He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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