I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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