Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
