I puked a lego.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
