She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
