No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
