I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
