These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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