So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We had to coat check the pizza.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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