Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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