I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
