Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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