Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
