So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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