Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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