Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
