captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
