i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
