I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
