I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
