if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
